15 weeks!

15 weeks today! The first trimester is officially over, and I *think* my nausea may finally be passing. I still don't have much of an appetite, but my mornings in particular are starting to ease up and the food I manage to actually eat is staying down, so I'm hopeful these babies will soon get the nutrition they need!

My AMAZING sister started a GoFundMe campaign for us to be able to afford a 6+ passenger vehicle. Being able to afford a new car (we have no choice with 4 car seats!) is my biggest stress and worry, because it's just not in our budget right now. Check it out here!!


I also had an appointment with my doctor last week, and seems all three babies are doing well so far. One of the big concerns with carrying triplets is the cervix, so they also did a base check for the length at my last appointment. It looks nice and thick now, which is good, and they will monitor it at every appointment from here on out to make sure it doesn't shorten. So far so good!

Here is baby A, who already likes to sleep on his/her stomach!

Here is Baby B! 

And last but not least, here is baby C!

They name them A, B & C depending on where they are located. A is farthest down, and C is farthest up. They'll stay in those positions for the duration of the pregnancy, which definitely makes it easier to keep track of who is who!

It's official!

It's been posted on Facebook, so now it's official- we'll be having triplets in February! 

I had my first appointment with my maternal fetal medicine doctor (otherwise known as perinatologist or high-risk doctor) Dr. Parilla, and I really think I'm going to like her. She was very positive about the pregnancy and much more laid back than I expected, which I like. We got to see all three babies wiggling around and hear their little heartbeats, and it was amazing! Makes it so much more real. (Although, I have to say I don't think it's truly going to sink in that I'm actually having three babies until they're all here!) 

Here's Baby A- he/she did not want to cooperate and kept showing us his/her little back, so here's the ultrasound of th back of the head and spine!

Baby B wasn't much better, and kept trying to wiggle his/her little head down for a cushy little nap so we couldn't see!

Baby C was much more cooperative- we got a nice (if not alien-esque) little profile shot! 

It's already looking cramped in there/ I can't even imagine what it's going to be like in a few months!

One of the things I was happy to hear from my dr is that she's okay with trying our best to keep the babies in as long as possible. It's been kind of terrifying to see all the complications that can come with triplet pregnancies, and pre-term labor is pretty much guaranteed. Most triplet births happen via c-section between 30-34 weeks, and triplets have an average birth weight of 3lbs 12oz, which is half the size of a "normal" single baby. We can pretty much count on them all going straight to the nicu when they are born, and chances are high that one or more of them may have complications from being born early. Babies born early and those with lower birth weights often have respiratory problems, birth defects and are at a much greater risk for long term disabilities. So keeping them in there for as long as possible is best!

For me, genetics is coming in really handy (thanks, Dad!) because the fact that I'm 5'11" and started pregnancy at a healthy weight means that there's more room for those babies and I have a better chance of making it to 36 weeks, which is my goal. No doctor would let me go all the way to 40 weeks because the risk of rupturing my uterus would be far to high. 

Speaking of that, the number of complications that can arise for me are pretty high too. :/ The risks of both gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia pretty much sky-rocket with high-order multiples, and post-partum hemorrhaging is also fairly common. I've been told that starting between 16-20 weeks I'll need to spend 2-3 hours of my waking day on bed rest, and that by the third trimester it is highly likely I'll be on full bed rest or even hospital bed rest to prevent pre-term labor. 

This all seems terrifying to me. I know it's a lot of doom and gloom for what could turn out to be a totally easy and normal (ish) pregnancy (and I would love all prayers that it will be!) but I like knowing the risks and being prepared. While I hope and pray that they'll all be born perfect and healthy, I know that statistics say they will at the very least be in the nicu for at least a short period of time and I want to be mentally prepared for that. 

I'm almost twelve weeks now, which means I'm oh so close to the second trimester already! I'll be excited for this nausea to go away and my appetite to return, and to start feeling all those little kicks! This picture was from last week, but I'm getting bigger every day...

As scary as all this is, I am SO EXCITED. We always wanted a big family and didn't think it could happen, but whaddya know! Triplets!

Starting back up again

Well, the pregnancy journey has begun again!! Yes, I'm pregnant, and it's TRIPLETS!

But we'll get to that later, because yet again, there is quite a bit that happened to get me there. So let's go back in time...

After John was born, I was hopeful that my "body would reset" which apparently is a common thing for women with infertility issues. Of course, I did not fall into this group, and everything was the same as before.

By the time John was 1 1/2, we were ready to start actively "trying" again, which meant going back to the doctor for the same treatments that I had to get John. So back to Dr. Leya I went, and jumped right back into the crazy number of appointments and hormone shots and timing and everything, but with no luck. Of all the failed treatments I did to get John, the first failed treatment I did after him was by far the most emotionally difficult. Having him made me feel like I was "fixed" and I might actually be able to have as many children as I wanted! I was so hopeful, and so devastated when it didn't work.

But we decided to give it another try, and the results of this next treatment were even worse. The medication (which we had to pay for out of pocket for various reasons- yikes!) didn't do what it was supposed to do- my eggs never released, and I never even got my period. When going through treatments, everything is so specifically timed and whether you get your period or not is usually the main indicator of being pregnant or not. This made for about a month of me being in compete denial about not being pregnant. I had been shot full of hormones which never had a release and I was so sure that these treatments had to work that when literally NOTHING happened, not a positive pregnancy test nor a period, I pretty much gave up hope. The only option that seemed left to us was In vitro fertilization, which posed some very moral and ethical questions for us. My doctor was not encouraging, and we more or less decided to just stop trying for the time being.

Neither Philip nor I felt right about giving up. We spent the next year discussing whether or not we were okay with never having any more children, how we felt about IVF, how viable other options were, etc. and decided the best way to approach it was to talk to my doctor about our options and about our options regarding IVF in particular.

So I called Dr. Leya, but instead of setting up an appointment with her to discuss things she chose to refer me to The Fertility Center of Illinois because she did not do IVF. While I was scared to try a new doctor, I was also excited about the idea of a fresh start.

I'm kind of particular about female doctors, so I researched the centers closest to me that had appointments available with a female doctor. I settled on Dr. Nani in Hoffman Estates, and made an appointment as soon as possible, which was only a week out. During that time, I decided that because of all the changes in healthcare that had been happening, I would call my insurance company to clarify their policy on IVF. After being tossed around by different people at Aetna, calling and emailing my work to find out which exact state I'm insured under (it's NY even though I live in IL!) and just an all-around hassle of a couple days, I found out IVF is no longer covered with my particular insurance.  Again with the devastation. We hadn't actually decided that we were going to go the IVF route, but having the decision made for us was hard. I wanted to just give up at that point- I was tired. Tired of the uncertainty for the future, tired of the emotional roller coaster, tired of the injections and the poking and prodding and tired of the cost of it all. Seriously, having hormones that make you crazy injected into your body is almost the least stressful part of infertility. But Philip convinced me that since we had an appointment already scheduled we might as well just go and make our decision to keep trying or not when we had exhausted this last chance of possibility. 

So, we met and talked with Dr. Nani. I went in that office feeling defeated and hopeless, and left feeling like we would have another baby in a year's time. Her attitude and demeanor was so open and positive and encouraging- she had gone over all of my previous records and told us she didn't see any reason for us to have to do IVF and that she could easily see me getting pregnant with the same treatments I did to get John. I know we asked a lot of questions and although I don't remember the exact conversations now she really made both Philip and I feel very secure in starting the process up again. 

Even though she had all my previous records, because it had been a few years since many of my fertility health checks had been done she wanted another full evaluation of health including lots of blood tests, pelvic exams and ultrasounds and a Hysterosalpinogram. This all revealed that yes, I definitely have PCOS, my vitamin d was low and I had polyps on my uterus, which was probably why the previous two treatments had not worked. 

I was scheduled for a Hysteroscopy and a Polypectomy to remove the polyps. This was an outpatient surgery, and after it was over I just had to rest for a few days and call if there was any significant bleeding. Well, the day after the surgery I had some strange cramping and started bleeding quite a bit. Of course, this started on a Friday afternoon after the doctor's office was closed, and the on-call doctor said to go in right away on Monday morning. This made for a very stressful weekend to say the least! Luckily our friends Anna and Anika came over to help me with John while Philip was working and I was able to take it easy and rest as much as possible.

So, I went in right away Monday morning, and it turns out that the bleeding was actually my period, which apparently can happen (although very rarely!) in women with pcos after the surgery. The pain and cramping was just a combination of period cramps and surgical recovery. Really, best case scenario! 

For anyone who has ever done fertility treatments, you know that getting your period starts the countdown to treatment. Since Monday was day 3 after it started, we decided to start the injections the next day and get things rolling! So, for the next few days, I took various injections of Gonal-F (a follicle stimulating hormone to make the eggs grow on my ovaries) and then the "trigger" shot of Ovidrel to make the eggs release. During this time I also had multiple ultrasounds to check on the size of the eggs and make sure they were of prime size to release. I had two eggs that were in the "zone" of where we wanted, and two others that were slightly smaller when I took the trigger shot. Then it was just regular ol' timed intercourse. ;) Supposedly, the chances of more than one or two of these eggs fertilizing should have been slim...

After that, it was all about the two week wait. Those two weeks where you "could" be pregnant, with a lot of "is that a pregnancy symptom?" " I think I feel nauseated- maybe I'm pregnant!" or "what if it didn't work?!?!" and the like. It's pretty much self-inflicted mental torture. Peeing on a stick every day even when you KNOW it's too early to show up positive. Those two weeks are the worst.  

But of course, with my luck things couldn't just be about waiting. A few days into the waiting period and I started having a few shooting pains when I would sit up or twist a certain way or lift something. Then, one morning, the pain was so bad I was hunched over crying and the pain alone made me vomit. I immediately called my doctor and they had me come in for an ultrasound. It turns out I yet again had Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. This is common with PCOS, although it comes in varying degrees. When I had it back in 2010, it was quite severe to the point of ending up in the hospital and having my lungs drained of fluids twice. This time was moderate. I had some pretty giant cysts on my ovaries-some measuring as big as an orange. The fluid in my abdomen, however, was minimal, which was good. They think that one of my ovaries may have twisted because of the cyst, which is what caused the pain and vomiting. Luckily, it must have untwisted itself. A twisted ovary can be extremely dangerous, as it could cut off blood circulation and kill the ovary, and/or they'd have to surgically remove the ovary. So, I was put on modified bed rest until the cysts went down in size.. I could lift no more than 5-10 lbs and I was told not to anything as strenuous as vacuuming. Really? Vacuuming is strenuous?! However, this turned out to be a good thing because the pain was terrible if I moved just slightly the wrong way. Ugh. I was also told not to drink any water, only Gatorade or other salty drinks and to go on a high salt/high protein diet. Apparently the salt helps keep the fluid from building up in the abdomen somehow. 

This lasted for about 3-4 weeks. Yay. However, during this time, we found out that, yes, it worked and we were pregnant! So at least I was going through all this for a good reason! 

By the time I was 6 weeks pregnant the nausea, puking, exhaustion, hot flashes, and all of the rest of those awesome pregnancy symptoms had started. So far things are not as awful as they were with John (only puking 1-2 times a day instead of 4-6 times!)  But I still wish I could be like those lucky few women who barely know they're pregnant and have little to no nausea. And at 6 weeks we saw the first ultrasound!! It was too early to see heartbeats, but SURPRISE! there are three in there! 

Since then, we've had an ultrasound a week, saw all three heartbeats and have now been sent off to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist, otherwise known as a high-risk OB. So our next appointment will be with Dr. Parilla after we get home from Hawaii in two weeks! YAY FOR BABIES!! THREE OF THEM!!!

Two months later...

It's been over two months since I last posted, and wow has life changed! Johannus Henry Sokolov was born at 4:29 pm on Tuesday, November 13, 2012, weighing 7 lbs 14 oz and measuring 20.5 inches!

Full Term!!

I am officially full term now, which means the baby can come at anytime in the next four weeks and he should be happy and healthy! I have a feeling myself that he'll be coming early- at my appointment yesterday he was already measuring close to 7lbs (this is number is usually about 90% accurate.) He's also dropped, which means he's dropped his little self into the "go" position. He's REALLY low, and it's now a constant pressure for me anytime I stand up! Makes my waddle even more waddle-y! Here's the only pic they gave us from the ultrasound- just a little outline of his cute little head.

I'm also having contractions pretty frequently- mostly Braxton-Hicks, which are sort of "getting ready" contractions that don't hurt, but just feel like a tightening of my abdomen and a bit of pressure. They are very common, especially in the third trimester, and the nurse in my labor class said that having Braxton-Hicks contractions can actually prepare your body better for a shorter labor. I hope she's right! Unfortunately, I am also having a few activity-induced contractions as well, which feel much different from the Braxton-Hicks. These actually hurt- the tightening and pressure are the same but are accompanied by pain that travels around my abdomen and into my lower back. They also tend to make my breathing pretty shallow. The pain isn't too intense though, and although I may have four or five of these in a row in the course of a short period of time, they seem to gradually get less and less painful instead of the other way around before going away. Although I am definitely ready to be done being pregnant, I don't want him to come before HE'S ready. So I'd rather not induce him with too much strenuous activity.  Sadly, this is coming to mean doing more than one normal activity in a day. Even walking for too long makes me have to sit or lie down to help calm the contractions. I've only got a few performances of Simon Boccanegra left before my maternity leave starts, and although I would normally considerate it a very easy and low-stress show for the chorus, there is one scene where I have consistently come off stage having a contraction! Agh! Let me tell you, this makes singing awfully difficult! So I'm taking these shows one at a time, and playing it by ear with what I can handle and what I can't. I'd really like to do the last two performances this week though, and I'm going to do my best to make sure I take it nice and easy all day long beforehand so I have as much stamina as possible to get through!

Here's a pic of me in my costume- the pregnancy makes me look an awful lot like the Virgin Mary on her way to Bethlehem! Ha! This is from a few weeks ago- I'm even bigger now and I can definitely see how he's much higher up in this pic.

So I guess now it's only a matter of time, and playing that lovely waiting game! Any guesses on when he might decide to arrive? My doctor thinks he could come anytime from tomorrow until December!


Baby Showers!

Since I don't have much about the progress of the baby to update this week, I thought I'd share about the baby showers my family, friends and colleagues have thrown me!! I've been very blessed with some very wonderful people in my life, and through the course of my pregnancy I've had three amazing showers! 

The first was in the Bay Area on a visit there in July, thrown by my sister-in-law Masha and my friend Karen. I posted about it a bit here. It was a mini-shower at a cute bistro and I received some seriously adorable clothes, which was perfect for being able to pack in my suitcase! 

My second shower was thrown by my sister and mom and some of my friends from church. Looking back at my posts, I just realized I never really posted about it! I think I was waiting until after I scanned pictures in, but unfortunately I still haven't gotten around to doing that. But it was an incredible shower. The theme was "Once Upon a Time" and was at a very nice Italian restaurant here in Chicago.
A lot of my family came in from Michigan and Wisconsin, which was incredible, and most of my friends from church were also there. It was so fantastic to see so much of my family come in from out of town! Even my Great Aunt Lorraine came, and being over 90 that's no small thing. There were some really cute games- my sister made a "design a onesie" station where people could decorate onesies with fabric paint and iron-on transfers, there was a "guess the belly size" game where people had to guess how big around I was, and a contest for making a baby out of play-dough. My mom and sister made sure there were prizes for all of the guests to take home and my friend Gaby had these really cute "honey spoons" and tea bags to take home as favors. The food was incredible and my cousin Kristy made a cake that looked like a book- The Hobbit of course! I received some incredible and much needed gifts, including a TON of clothes, books and necessary nursery items like crib sheets, a thermometer, burp cloths, a health kit, etc. It's amazing how exciting things like sheets become when they're intended for your baby! 

My third and final shower was today, thrown at work by my colleagues at the Lyric Opera of Chicago. My friends Yvette and Janet put it all together, and it turned out to be fantastic! Yvette came up with the theme of "Candyland. " Yes, that's a topiary ball made out of dum-dums!

I think it's pretty traditional when someone gets pregnant in the chorus to pool together for a big ticket item. This time, everyone pooled together and they gave me gift cards for my registry on Amazon, which I'll be using to get some much needed items!! I am also extraordinarily lucky to work with some very talented people- and not just with singing! I received a few other gifts from individuals as well, including this handmade quilt by my friend Liz, adorable bibs by my friend David, and a knit blanket and knit rattles made my friend Lynn! 

And my friend Ken made this incredible "Candyland" themed cake- Amazing!

All in all, I can not be more grateful for the people I have in my life. You are all so incredibly warm-hearted and generous, and it makes me so happy to know that I am bringing a child into a world full of such thoughtful and kind people. So thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!!!

6 weeks left!

Just a short update after that awesome guest post last week. :) Baby is doing well and all of my check-ups thus far have been right on target. My next one (in two weeks) I'll get to have another ultrasound so we can measure him and see how he's developing! I can't wait to see this little man. Supposedly he's currently about the size of a honeydew melon and he sure feels like it! He's now at a point of kicking, punching and elbowing me non-stop. I may be uncomfortable a lot, but I'm certainly happy to know he's doing well in there! Here's a belly shot for anyone who's interested in seeing how huge I am:
And I've still got six weeks to go! Right now it just feels like I'm playing the waiting game, because his room is pretty much done and I don't have too much left to prepare. I start my maternity leave November 10th, and I plan on using that time to hopefully prepare some freezer meals in advance, get the car seat and hospital bags put in the car "just in case!" and to re-read some of the books I read earlier in the pregnancy. We also have a few pregnancy classes scheduled for the next couple of weeks, which Philip will be going with me to. :) And my mom is even going to a grandparent's class to freshen up her baby skills! It has been about 30 years since she's taken care of a newborn, but I'm pretty confident in her abilities. She's even been proactive about making sure she got the Tdap vaccine (Tetanus, diptheria and pertussis or whooping cough) especially since there has been an outbreak of whooping cough recently, and newborns are extremely susceptible to it.

So from now until November 10th it's performing Simon Boccanegra and Elektra and lying around a lot, and from then on it's a few little errands and more lying around until the little man comes and creates an entirely different life for us.  I can't wait!

Guest Post!!!

Hi, friends!  Philip here for a “guest” update!  I’m not much of a blogger, so I’ll go stream of consciousness, okay?

You know what would be an easy topic to start with?  The Hobbit.  I believe Marie has already told you (gentle reader) how I have been reading this book — tied for Greatest Book In The World — to her and the baby before bed.  And how the baby LOVES it!

See?  What’s not to like about this baby business?  Can you imagine, when the baby is born, all the stories we shall tell and the games we shall play?

I want you to see the AWESOMENESS that is the baby’s room.  It’s hobbit-themed, of course.  Yellow and green are the dominant colors.  Marie gets the most credit for the decoration.  Check it out:

The single best part is that Penny (Marie’s sister) painted some incredible reproductions of some of Tolkien’s art from The Hobbit.  These photos give you an idea of how great these look in the room, but they can not quite convey just how stunning they are in person.  I can say without wavering that these are now my most prized possession — I would rescue these from a burning building before my War of the Ring Collector’s Edition or Dungeons & Dragons White Box (but after the wife and baby and cat)!

So, thanks, Penny!  You’re the best!

Marie, though, is also the best, because, as I said, she did EVERYTHING else in the room.  Like, personally sewed it, and stuff.  She even made the Dwarf-rune ABCs!  How did I ever deserve such an amazing girl?

Anyway, we are now done with The Hobbit and on to The Book of Lost Tales — unsurprisingly, also tied for Greatest Book In The World.

What else?  Well, I joined a gym, because I want to be the most energetic papa ever.  Actually, I need the energy already, just to get through the day.  Poor Marie has such a hard time getting up, so she often has me go fetch things for her.  And the dishes aren’t going to wash themselves.  So anyway, I have a buddy that I have to drive to and from the gym at set times — 5 times a week, actually — which keeps me accountable.  So far I’ve only had to cancel about once per week.  Not bad!  But I weighed myself, and I have gained 9 pounds since I joined.  All muscle, of course, but, come on!  Luckily, Marie is glad I’m still heavier (much heavier) than she is, so, I guess that’s okay!

She really looks amazing, and is so brave to go to rehearsal all the time when she’s got such a great burden.  You can now see the baby pushing against the edges, creating a lopsided belly, and feel him kicking REAL hard!  It’s pretty crazy how close he is to being fully present with us, and yet so far away.

We had a scare about a week ago.  We were stopped at a light, when BAM, we got rear-ended.  For Marie, this was the second time in one week.  Of course we rushed to the hospital to monitor the baby’s heart-rate and Marie’s contractions.  Turns out everything is fine — thank God!  And our car, rear-ended three times in as many months, barely has a scratch!  While the cars that hit it are smashed up real good.  Gotta love Ford SUVs!  But, seriously, people, stop running into us, KTHX.

That’s enough for today, friends!  We ask your prayers for our baby as we enter the home stretch, the final two months (or less) of Marie’s pregnancy.  Holy Father Tikhon pray to God for us!

31 weeks down, 9 to go!

Only 9 more weeks to go! Only about 65 more days! Time is flying, but it also seems to be taking forever!

Pregnancy is a roller-coaster. At the moment, I am quite content to be lying down and just feeling the baby squirm around while Philip prepares a delicious breakfast-for-dinner! (I have the best husband.) Some days are great (today was one of them!) but others are just weird, painful or strange.

I actually got in a car accident on Friday- I was rear-ended on the freeway by some sixteen-year-old stereotype in her pink pajama pants and bleached blonde hair talking on her cellphone. Her front end was pretty smashed in, but our wonderful car had barely a scratch! Still, I had to go into the hospital and they monitored me for about 6 hours to make sure the baby was okay and it didn't induce labor. I had a few contractions, but nothing major so they sent me home. Then yesterday I started having contractions AGAIN, which totally freaked me out, but the on-call doctor didn't seem too concerned and just put me on bedrest for the night and had me make an appointment for this morning. Of course, today I'm having no problems, and the doctor thinks the two really painful contractions were from over-exerting myself and the less-painful ones were just Braxton-Hicks contractions and that I don't need to worry unless I have more than five in an hour, start bleeding or my water breaks. Phew! So glad none of that is happening! But the best part is that this little guy has been super active the entire time as if to say, "Don't worry mama, I'm doing great!"

I'm measuring a couple weeks ahead, which is exciting to me! But I do want him to keep cooking as long as he needs to- as much as I want to meet this little man I want him to be as healthy as possible even more.

After having these little scares this weekend, I am so happy to feel as prepared as I am. There's still a few things I'd like to get, I just signed up for a few of the classes the hospital offers (birthing class, breastfeeding class, and infant cpr/first aid) so I still have to take those and I have yet to pack my hospital bags. But if the baby came early and none of those things had happened I could deal. I don't think I'll ever feel completely prepared for the actual raising of a child (!) but at least we have a carseat and diapers and a few things for him to wear. :)

I've got the rest of my pregnancy broken down by my work schedule- I just finished the last of my music rehearsals, 2 1/2 weeks left of staging rehearsals, then 4 weeks of performances and then I start my maternity leave and the waiting REALLY begins. I think the rest of this pregnancy is going to fly by all too quickly!

80 more days!

I've decided to move from number of weeks to number of days because it feels more fun. :P

So far, the third trimester is my favorite. Things seem to be moving faster, and many of my physical woes are so much easier to bear than the the first 6 months. Other than exhaustion, everything is much more normal and mild than before, and I'm feeling a bit more like myself! Just tired A LOT, and I don't think that's going to get better any time soon. But tired I can handle. :)

The belly is really popping out these days, and I've had multiple people tell me I look like I'm going to deliver early. I don't think I seem bigger than what I'm supposed to be for the gestational age, but really, who knows? So many women are so different!

I'm just enjoying looking obviously pregnant. I don't know why I feel like it's so fun too look pregnant, but I do! I think I just want everyone to know and be as excited as I am that we're gonna have an actual baby in a few months.   SQUEEE!!!!

I'm definitely back in the swing of things at work, and it's been great so far. I am WIPED after every rehearsal though! That lack of lung space does not make for optimum singing! But I'm pushing through pretty well, and we had a concert on Saturday for the Stars of the Lyric at Millennium Park. (It's a free concert the Lyric does in the park every year as a pre-season show, mostly highlighting the Young Artists and a few of the leads from the coming season.) The concert was great, and I made it through pretty well! The chorus had a lot to sing, and I felt good about my personal sound contribution. I did, however, zonk out when I got home and had a deeper night's sleep than I've had in quite some time. I'll be interested to see what happens when we're in full costume on stage when I'm in my ninth month, but I think I'll be able to pull through.

I have a doctor's appt this week, but so far everything has seemed right on track with the baby's development. Like a good, growing Russian boy, he's almost the size of a cabbage! And he's still kicking and punching like crazy, which I love to feel.  It's so reassuring. Everything seems good, and I hope it stays that way until November!